Summer 2014 Turmoil

 

 

It’s officially the Summer of 2014 and my life has been very unextraordinary. Two months ago, if someone had asked me about this Summer, I would have told them it was going to be the best Summer of my life. I mean, it’s the last Summer before a high school year I will ever have, but I’ve literally done nothing monumental. It’s already been half a month, or a little over, and I’ve done NOTHING except be frustrated. My brain feels like a mass of giant mush and I cannot, for the life of me, get anything done because of it. I can’t write anything remotely talented because of the mush and I can’t get anything productive done either. I have all this time that I do nothing with and I hate it. Right now, I honestly hate my life. Yes, I have a good family and stuff, but I hate the fact that the most interesting thing occurring is my frustration with life itself. I’m so frustrated with the fact that I didn’t get a new website up for my wonderful followers, like I had promised, because I couldn’t figure out how to use the template I bought. I’m so frustrated with the fact that I have a project happening this Thursday and I can’t get any words out of my brain. I’m so frustrated that The Writing Summer 2014 was supposed to launch June 6th, but it never did because the new website never launched. I am so frustrated that I can’t even have fun with my friends because when I go and hang out with them, my mind starts thinking about all of my recent failures. I am so frustrated that I was supposed to already have a college road trip planned, but that hasn’t happened either. Basically, this Summer was supposed to be about figuring out my future and that hasn’t even begun to happen. Then, I’m also frustrated because all these failures are clouding my future. Like, one, I want to do Camp NaNoWriMo, but I am having the hardest time focusing because of my failures. Two, I want to be able to do more Featured Creative Mind segments. I want to update my blog to a website. I want to find my college. I want to get the hell out of Alabama! I am so frustrated and trapped and literally, this is the worst blog post I have ever written, because I have a complete mental block on all things creative. I am crying right now because I’m so frustrated with the fact that nothing is changing. This Summer is supposed to be the time for my life to finally get a move on it. Instead, I’m so frustrated with all these little things that I really shouldn’t even have to be frustrated about, but no one will take the time out of their day to sit down and help me. So, here I am, stuck in a rut, and without any inner creativity to spare, ranting on a computer, because nobody has been listening outside the computer…

This Summer has been a rough one so far, and I sincerely apologize to everyone who used to actively follow my blog, but even you guys have given up on me, just like I’ve slowly been giving up on myself. I just need things to start looking up…in any way. Then, maybe I can stop letting you down. My blog is one of the most important things to me in the entire world because it’s the only thing close to a “publication” that I have, the only thing clue to my dream of eventually publishing a book. So, this really is the last thing I ever wanted to get left behind, and it did. I hope I can make it up to you all.

Always,

Jinapher J. Hoffman

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